Bedtime Stories

Fun facts for the consuming public.

1. If you stay up really late, take the opportunity to drink a beer on your porch at 7 in the morning. The looks from the neighbors are worth the price of admission. For extra fun, raise the beer in a toast and say, "Hey, it's after 5, right?" Good times.

2. Porn is like a bedtime story for adults. Simple plots, boy meets girl (and sometimes boy and boy and boy and boy meets girl, and sometimes boy meets girl and girl, and sometimes girl meets girl, and, for the Aesop amongst us, sometimes girl meets farm animal), adventures are had, lessons are learned (such as "The female body is surprisingly flexible, but is not without limits to its depth."), and there's always a happy ending.

Too far? I'm just saying, Cinderella would have been cooler with a money shot.

3. Speaking of porn - if you are going to be in a porn flick, please know how to fuck! This does not mean monotonous pounding like a jack-hammer on meth without changing position for 30 minutes. Boooooring! If I wanted to watch boring sex, I could film my roommate (sorry, cheap shot).

4. Goth girls are hot. Goth girl porn is very hot. That's it.

5. Laughing at other people's misfortune doesn't make you an insensitive prick, it just... wait, yeah, yeah it does. I got nothing.

Okay, that's it. Nighty night, all. I'm going to try and snag some Cinderella cosplay porn before I catch a couple hours of sleep pre-class.

And they lived happily ever after.

Money shot!

Edit: Goddamn, it's good to be me!